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And the thought I kept coming back to time and time again was that Charlotte was only being Charlotte; to expect her to change would be to alter the very thing that I loved. There was poison in the cure indeed.In the end I decided that it was better for me to let the dream die and let her go back to being who she was, the beautiful, carefree, vivacious and beautiful Charlotte Lawsen, the girl who fucked whoever she wanted whenever she wanted, and had been perfectly happy at it until she'd met me.In the end, I realized that I didn't own her. To expect her to change would be to claim ownership of her somehow. I couldn't accept that. I liked her better free than simply another part of me.And so I let her go. Once and for all I let her go. I drove down a busy strip of our city on that Saturday night, all by myself, crying my eyes out once again, but finally resolved. Finally sure about what I was supposed to do, what I had to do.And then the dog turned around and chased his tail again—I. I don't know how we will get inside to see him." OK, you stuck as Jamie for a bit longer. Are you OK with that?" I'll have to be," I said, "there's no choice."We headed back to where Shane was waiting with the coffees and we sat insilence as we drank.I turned to Nin, "Can you get us some more snacks for the rest of thejourney, please?" She looked puzzled but nodded and headed off. I turnedto Shane and said, "Shane, I want to apologise for last night for what Idid, it was stupid of me and I also want to thank you for being sogracious about it."He looked at me without saying anything and then looked away for amoment before speaking, "Jamie, there is nothing to apologise for,nothing happened as far as I'm concerned and I don't want you to worryabout it. It's all good for me."I touched his hand briefly and said, "Thank you, you're a star."He smiled, "But for God's sake talk to me, will you? I can't stand thesilent treatment I've had this morning."I laughed, "OK, that's a deal." We were.
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